Self-victimization, negativity, and self-pity become habitual ways of thinking. These limitations manifest in the chronic patterns of living in which some people find themselves: jobless, alone, bored, miserable. The prison bars are the old judgments, fears, and worries that you erect from past hurts and fears, recycled through the present. 

Once you understand that it’s your limited view that prevents your life from working, not the reality of the world, everything changes for the better. How can you cut down on the self-pitying attitude? How else can you change your attitude to accept and move past limitations?

Recognize you’re good enough

At what point do you ever say, “That’s good enough”? Perhaps through your eyes, such an idea is a mirage. But you keep looking for it like the seahorse looking for the sea because he can’t see the water he’s swimming in, so he spends his life searching for what he already has. 

You work through holidays, miss your kids’ events, or pull all-nighters — all in attempts to be good enough. But no matter how hard you try, you tell yourself that nothing is quite good enough. That message of failure fills you with shame and self-contempt. To medicate the bad feelings, you dig your heels in deeper and try to excel even more. 

Is this the way you want to continue to live? What if you center yourself and become mindful of what you’re doing? What if you drop the illusion that some work task will make you feel good enough? Welcome self-compassion and allow it to overtake you, knowing that everything is possible and everything is unknown until you start to live it.

Excerpt from #Chill: Turn Off Your Job and Turn On Your Life with permission from the author and publisher.

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  • Bryan Robinson, Ph.D.

    Psychotherapist in Private Practice and Author of 40 books.

    Bryan Robinson, Ph.D. is a professor emeritus at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, psychotherapist in private practice, and award-winning author of two novels and 40 nonfiction books that have been translated into 15 languages. His latest book is THE LIZARD BRAIN SURVIVAL GUIDE: HOW TO KEEP YOUR COOL WHEN THINGS DON’T GO YOUR WAY. Previous books include #CHILL: TURN OFF YOUR JOB AND TURN ON YOUR LIFE (William Morrow), DAILY WRITING RESILIENCE: 365 MEDITATIONS & INSPIRATIONS FOR WRITERS (Llewellyn Worldwide)and CHAINED TO THE DESK: A GUIDEBOOK FOR WORKAHOLICS, THEIR PARTNERS AND CHILDREN, AND THE CLINICIANS WHO TREAT THEM (New York University Press)He is a regular contributor to, Psychology Today, and Thrive Global. He has appeared on 20/20, Good Morning America, The CBS Early Show, ABC's World News Tonight, NPR’s Marketplace, NBC Nightly News and he hosted the PBS documentary "Overdoing It: How To Slow Down And Take Care Of Yourself."