Having lost the count, I truly believe if there was to be given an award for a record number of heartbreaks; it’d be given to me. No, this isn’t an attempt to take shelter in a light-hearted self-pity or self-victimisation. It is, rather, just a conscious choice to deal with it casually since the time has flown and no matter how much one finds excuses to sulk in things of the past (and waste time), the fact remains that it cannot be changed.
Another way to grow out, and from it, is by making an effort to perceive it differently and advantageously use it for self-improvement. This should be the ideal benchmark for anyone to play at in any sphere of life.
Heartbreaks can be devastating. They can break you from within and snatch every speck of peace from your life. But, you should know and understand deeply that if a heartbreak is as powerful as to suck life energy out of everything you do, how powerful it can prove to be if channelised in the right direction.
Heartbreaks are a good sign that you were involved in a personal moment or a relationship and gave it all. They speak of one’s strong character and principles. They reveal the seriousness behind the emotions attached to elements other than one’s own self.
From being an emotional fool to intelligent, it has been quite a journey of self-discovery for me. And, I can tell you honestly, if any of my serious likings, relationships lasted or were reciprocated with same intensity as mine, I’d have been doomed by now because my myopic world of thoughts and imaginations defined them to be the ultimate happiness of my personal life but today when I look back, I, with a conviction, know they weren’t the ones I would have ever wanted for a lifetime or even deserved.
Whether true likings for opposite sex or long-term relations with them, I can book a flight to moon (if there was any), reach there and yell my heart out in gratefulness to the universe for not having all of it “work out” for me. I’d have never been who I am today if any of those persons stayed in my life but I certainly am the person because I experienced each one of their characters and eventually, the heartbreaks.
Now, understand that nobody can give you a heartbreak. You don’t get a heartbreak because of someone. You only get it because of who you are or have become because of that someone. Often, we tend to blame the person, who we think, has done wrong, but let me try and change your thought process here, like I have worked on mine over the years.
There’s no way and I mean, absolutely no way any of us is immune to adversities. The nature will always play the balancing act—what is called as ‘the law of balance’. The moments of happiness in one’s life will be balanced out by the moments of sadness.
Just like happiness, sadness, too, is perceived differently by different people. Some people feel sad on being ignored for job promotions while some feel sad on not making it to their third consecutive international vacation in a year.
Heartbreaks are also not just always about relationships. One of the most commonly, and significantly felt, heartbreak is usually when we watch and know about human lives in distress globally, people in pain, below poverty line, wars and trauma that lead to strong feelings of helplessness.
And, since life will have to give you a heartbreak to balance it out in some way or the other, it can come from anywhere and anyone and not just from the people you thought had a negative role to play. Of course, they were the souls with names and identities that can’t be forgotten easily for the damage they did. But, blaming them for everything you think is going wrong is not right.
You are only going to end up taking the load of the blame-game on your being and it will continuously pull you down.
Sit up, take the blame on yourself for being too naïve, submissive or stupid, work on it and raise your standards of giving in to others’ way of life.
Change the course of your thoughts because only you can and nobody else is going to do it for you, surely not the ones who made you feel miserable. They left but you stayed—stuck in the same chapter of life.
Turn the page. Tear it, if you wish. But, don’t keep reading the same page. And, know that one day you’ll realise it was the best decision of your life. Be courageous and let nature take over, decide the rights, wrongs and pass the judgement.
Here are my five unconventional and complicatedly simple ways to deal with heartbreak:
1. Don’t Stop Thinking About It
Contrary to what is fed to all of us, don’t force yourself to put barriers on your thoughts. It is against the nature of thoughts. The nature of thoughts is free-flowing. Let them come in your mind. Watch them closely. Observe your thoughts and feelings they generate.
Once, you discover the pattern, you can easily understand why and how you feel in a certain way. Try neutralising yourself when the unwanted thoughts occupy you. Gently, change them to thoughts of positivity, gratefulness and everything good life has given you and will offer.
Jumping from one relationship to another to deal with heartbreak is the worst thing you can do to yourself. It is the sign of a weak mind and personality. Cut out the cumbersomeness of having the need to be in a relation every single time you have a fallout. You will do injustice to yourself and your potential partner for not having worked on your being before indulging in a new relationship.
Take time off to learn solitariness. Don’t mistake it for loneliness. Read books, learn to travel, eat, enjoy alone and talk yourself out of constant need to be with someone to feel complete.
Some things you can change, some things you cannot. For instance, we cannot change or decide where or the way we are born but we can definitely grow up to take the course of life in whichever direction we want.
You need to accept that certain people and situations are the way they are. “Why they happened to you?” “What wrong did you do to deserve it?” are the kind of answerless questions you have to learn to be in acceptance of. Let things be the way they are. Don’t try to dig deeper for you’ll only end up with wounds and worries. In acceptance you will find peace.
4. Let go
What is right is always the most difficult too. Letting go of pain and grudge is like walking on fire with bare feet aimlessly and endlessly. But, if a human being was anointed by nature to take revenge, then there would be no prominence of the law of Karma.
Never ever think of taking revenge because it is only going to backfire. It is going to come back on you, multi-fold.
What was meant to be yours would’ve stayed and what wasn’t yours to begin with cannot and shouldn’t be held on to.
5. Channelise The Energy
Once you are free from the unwanted chains of negative thinking and have achieved a clear and healthy state of mind, you have brought yourself in the position from where you can trigger the exceptional energy of heartbreak and venture out in a usually unexplored side of it.
This is the ignition point from where dreams and aspirations take off. Start thinking of all the things you can do now that you’ve all the time for yourself. Peek into your inner-self, understand who you are even if there’s no one around you and take charge.
Begin from your long-forgotten hobby or a passion you wanted to pursue. Set targets, professional and personal goals, work on your health and mind and dare to achieve things you never thought you could—the heartbreak-energy can make it all possible for you.
And, remember these words of wisdom shared by my brother and Guru with me, “A plane doesn’t take off because it has to make things look small, it takes off because it has to and everything else shrinks on its own.”
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